July, 1999

Richard A. Gardner, M.D.
155 County Rd.
Cresskill, N.J. 07626

Dear Dr. Gardner,

It has long been known that incest is a problem which crosses all socioeconomic and cultural backgrounds.  However, with the increase in accessibility to pornography and the declining moral value system in America, the problem is increasing dramatically. 

Bona fide research reveals that statistically most offenders are males. However, there is no "syndrome" for these offenders.  We felt that this was necessary as many of these offenders end up in court where expert testimony is needed.  Of course, they don't end up in criminal court.  That would make far too much sense in our present judicial system.  They end up in family law courts, requesting custody of their victims.

We have developed a "syndrome" for these fellows.  It is called Fornicating Father's Syndrome.  Sounds pretty catchy doesn't it?  We thought it would be right up your alley! 

Below is a list of the "symptoms" of this syndrome.  Of course, as in your infamous Parental Alienation Syndrome, the child and anyone else in the Northern Hemisphere may be part of the syndrome.  Also, as in PAS, we, like you, have abandoned the idea that research, data, or scientific studies are necessary.  Your idea of self publishing appears to be the most expedient way to justify new syndromes.  Therefore, we are developing a full line self published materials soon to be offered on "The Shopper's Guide to Mental Health Fads and Best Kept Secrets of Gypsy Beads," channel 116.  Please read on for a detailed description of FFS.

SYMPTOMS:  

1. Child discloses molest by father, with descriptions of sex acts that would be unknown to child, unless the child had experienced molest or had been exposed to explicit pornography.

2. Father demands custody of child

3. Father calls child a liar

4. Father calls mother crazy, vindictive, and "cold fish"

5. Child initiates sexual acting out on other children

6. Father says female child is a nymphomaniac, male child should be commended

7. Father calls mother crazy, vindictive, and "cold fish"

8. Child has psychological symptoms including night terrors, unreasonable discomfort of being left alone with father, clinging to mother when having to go with father on visitation, intermittent stomach aches, bowel problems, etc.

9. Father says female child is histrionic, male child has Oedipus complex induced by mother

10. Father says mother crazy, vindictive, and "cold fish"

11. Child discloses sexual abuse to peers

12. Father says female child wishful thinking, male child trying to impress his friends

13. Father says mother crazy, vindictive, and "cold fish"

14. Child discloses to therapist

15. Father says therapist crazy, vindictive, and "cold fish" who caught these things from mother

16. Child discloses to unrelated others

17. Father says community has become infected with crazy, vindictive, sexual inhibitions and hysteria, caught from mother

18. Child has medical evidence of molest

19. Father says typical self-induced trauma for nymphomaniac female child, male child showing advanced learning skills

20. Father says mother crazy, vindictive, and "cold fish"

21. Child has venereal disease

22. Father says child got it from toilet seat mother failed to clean properly, therefore mother is unfit

23. Father's semen found in child at medical examination

24. Father says "Oops, how did that get there?"

25. Law enforcement investigates father.

26. Father says crazy, vindictive, "cold fish" ex-wife must have stolen his semen in the night after using date rape drugs on him i.e. she "set him up"

27. Father demands D.A. file criminal grand theft charges against child's mother

28. Law enforcement interviews Mother, omits the word "grand" from charges

29. Mother finds video tape of father molesting child under child's mattress

30. Father says "Oops, how did that get there?"

31. Father says crazy, vindictive "cold fish" ex-wife is a voyeur, and therefore is an "emotionally unfit parent"

32. Father demands psychological and custody evaluations for child's mother

33. Family court judge demands to know who is going to pay him off; father, minor's counsel, or custody evaluator

34. Father calls minor's counsel and custody evaluator to find out who is going to pay for mother's eval. to show that she is crazy, vindictive, and a "cold fish."

35. Custody evaluator says he can sell father PAS for big bucks but it will get law enforcement off father's back, so its worth it

36. Father and minor's counsel agree to split cost

37. Evaluator informs judge of his cut

38. Custody evaluator whips out formatted evaluation and plugs in appropriate names

39. Hearing date is set, father plans addition to house, gets more video tapes

The above symptoms have points allotted to them so that a numeric equation produces the results indicating whether or not the father is guilty of Fornicating Father's Syndrome.  The beauty of the point scale is that it is irrelevant, since the results are always the same -- the father is guilty.

We are now looking for someone to promote this "syndrome."  

While there are psychologists all over the country dying to get in on the bottom floor of this, we thought of you first.  Your reputation for "innovative ideas" is just what we're looking for.  

This could bring you fame as the "big daddy" of Fornicating Father's Syndrome, and we're talking millions here.  In fact , with the right kind of strategy, we think you could probably testify to PAS and FFS in the same case, as long as you kept the names straight and used two different phone lines.  We offer low cost engineering for dual purposes.  

Of course with FFS, as in PAS, it is not necessary to meet the parties being evaluated.  Therefore, the syndrome can be applied right from the comfort of your easy chair, with the additional benefit of tax deductions for a "home business" with the largest room in your home used as "office space."  

The market is ripe!  Don't let this chance slip by.  There are many Richard Gardner clones out there, but only one true Dick!  You're the real thing.

Sincerely,

Syndromes R Us

P.S. The first 500 FFS subscribers will be eligible for a discount on future syndromes

Fornicating Fathers Syndrome also is known as
Fetid Fathers Syndrome.
You can read more on this topic here.

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